Forget politicians, the real stank is at the bank

As I write this, it is Election Day – a day when republicans will blame democrats (whom they refer to as demon-rats) for all of the problems in this nation, and democrats will blame republicans (whom they call ignorant) for all of the problems of this nation. It has become its own sport and at least one occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. is getting a lot of trophies for it.

While we’re all pointing fingers at politicians and calling our leaders scoundrels, I would like to draw your attention to the real source of evil in this nation. The banks.

Let’s start with the basics, shall we? The very foundation of American banking was built on the backs of enslaved people. Historians have documented how banks in the North and South alike accepted enslaved human beings as collateral for loans. JP Morgan Chase – yes, that JP Morgan Chase, the one with the friendly app and the rewards points – has actually admitted that two of its predecessor banks accepted approximately 13,000 enslaved people as loan collateral and took ownership of around 1,250 of them when borrowers defaulted.

That means if it were legal, banks today would likely have no problem accepting your children as collateral for a home loan. For those of you who haven’t voted yet, this is why we regulate businesses in this country. It isn’t to make their lives inconvenient or to make it harder for them to pay their workers like your boss has led you to believe — it is because without regulation, they would literally buy and sell other human beings.

And let’s not forget redlining — the decades-long practice where banks literally drew red lines on maps around Black and minority neighborhoods and refused to offer mortgages or loans to anyone living inside those lines. This wasn’t some backroom whisper campaign; it was systematic, it was documented, and it was federally sanctioned for years. The result was that entire communities were locked out of homeownership, which in America is the primary vehicle for building generational wealth.

The game of stopping the commoners from having generational wealth goes on today. Banks have begun preying on the elderly, promising them no house payments through reverse mortgages that give the house back to the bank at the end of the resident’s life instead of to their next of kin. Your bank has no problem with grandpa dying penniless and in debt. It is a feast for them.

The wealth gap we argue about today on cable news and social media? Banks drew that gap with a red marker and a ruler. They deliberately, methodically, and profitably excluded them while smiling and cutting ribbons on new branch locations just outside the red lines.

Then there’s the Great Depression, which banks essentially caused by speculating wildly with depositors’ money, and the 2008 financial crisis, which they caused by doing the exact same thing.They bundled up garbage loans they knew people couldn’t repay, slapped a bow on them, sold them to unsuspecting investors, and when the whole thing collapsed like a house of cards in a hurricane, they came crying to the American taxpayer for a bailout. Congress handed over $700 billion with a stern look and a wagging finger, the banks took the money, paid their executives record bonuses, and went right back to doing business as usual. Not a single major banking executive went to prison. Not one. Meanwhile, millions of Americans lost their homes, their savings, and their retirements.

And those are just the big ticket items. Let’s talk about how banking today has become more bureaucratic than the DMV, and twice as diabolical as a roomful of politicians figuring out how to gerrymander their next victory.

I had to physically walk into a bank earlier this week. I have sworn about five times never to do that again unless I had finally gotten up the courage to rob the place, but alas, sometimes the app just isn’t enough.

Let me preface this by saying that I don’t like people. If I can do it online and never interact with a person, I’m in. Paying by kiosk and having food delivered at a restaurant by a robot, doesn’t scare me. I welcome it. Replacing humans with AI doesn’t bother me either. So far, AI has proven useful and most people are useless.

So, when I say I had to walk into a bank – understand I absolutely had to. When I got there, I was asked if I had made an appointment. A what now? I walked into a brick-and-mortar business, the one that houses the imaginary zeros and ones that we call money, for the purpose of transacting business. The fact that this particular business is only open when everyone else is at work and they’re open for two hours less is already an issue. Now they want to work on an appointment system like hairdressers – who by the way, are open after 4 p.m. and on weekends, thank you very much.

They said “Well, all of our bankers are busy and won’t be available until the hours of Thursday and Friday.” When I suggested that perhaps they should be open more hours in order to fit more people in, they looked at me like I was speaking another language. When I suggested that perhaps they should hire more bankers, they called the cops. Maybe I should have robbed the place. At least I would have walked out with some satisfaction.

We can’t keep doing this, folks. Banks used to be a place you could count on to just walk into and get whatever need you had met. You didn’t have to schedule it, you didn’t have to download an app, and you damn sure didn’t need to scan a QR code.

Yes, the modern world is incredibly convenient, and most things can be done by text, app, or phone call. However, when a customer needs to come into the building that controls the access to their money, they should not need an appointment, and there should be an abundance of employees there to meet their needs.

Times are tough. I expect the restaurant to be understaffed. I get that some sectors of the economy are making it hard to staff businesses. But banks? Come on. Banks are not in financial trouble, and when they are, they just jack up rates, charge more fees, convince people to take out more loans, and do shady deals with shady people to line their own pockets while they laugh at us poor paupers who expect free checking accounts.

The banks aren’t hurting. They are simply cheap and greedy. They have been at the epicenter of our problems for our entire history, from predatory lending to the student loan crisis and we go along with it because a.) they control the money and b.) there is nothing on earth more painful than switching banks.

So, go out and vote. Complain about politicians. Argue about gas prices. But remember, the people behind the scenes of this circus don’t care about republicans or democrats or who gets elected. They are counting money – your money – and laughing all the way to the bank.