Principles Are Like Pants: You Ought to Have Some

For sanity purposes, I’ve always tried to maintain a healthy level of cynicism. It’s good for the soul—keeps expectations low, and surprises minimal. However, despite my best efforts at a hardened outlook, I still find myself shocked and appalled by certain behaviors in our society, which just goes to show that no amount of sarcasm can fully protect you against the absurd.

Today’s grievance: the tragic extinction of integrity. It’s gone the way of Blockbuster Video, landline phones, and turn signals.

Since integrity is now rarer than a salad at a tailgate party, let’s start with a refresher course. I tell my children that integrity means doing the right thing even when no one is watching. It’s keeping your word, being honest, and resisting the urge to throw out your moral compass when it becomes inconvenient. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized most people have about as much integrity as a reality TV star with a sponsorship deal— most people’s principles are flexible and subject to the highest bidder.

Don’t believe me? I’ve got receipts. Local ones at that.

Exhibit A: When Drunk Driving Became Just an Oopsie

A few weeks ago, we wrote about a principal—yes, the principal, the school’s moral compass— getting a DUI. Back in my day (cue the violin), getting a DUI was social doom. I had a teacher in school who got one, and she spent the next few semesters as the town’s cautionary tale, taking a school bus to work. And this wasn’t just gossip. Her name and photo were in the newspaper. Everybody knew her name and what she did.

But fast-forward to today, and the public reaction to the principal’s DUI wasn’t, “I can’t believe an educator would do something so reckless” but instead a heartwarming chorus of “We all make mistakes!” and “At least she wasn’t drinking on school property.”

Really? That’s the bar now? (No pun intended.) Are we really at a point where we shrug at reckless endangerment as long as it’s done off-campus? What’s next? “He only set the building on fire during non-business hours, give the guy a break?”

Drunk driving is not an oopsie. It’s not forgetting your grocery list. It’s putting yourself behind the wheel of a two-ton machine while you have the reaction time of a tranquilized sloth. But sure, let’s all act like it’s a parking ticket.

Exhibit B: Representing Reprobates

In Georgia, a lawmaker wants to get rid of speeding cameras in school zones because like every ignorant buffoon who sits around whining about  “the gubment,” he believes they’re  just a money grab. That’s right, folks. According to him, the real problem isn’t that people are flooring it to beat little Johnny through the crosswalk, it’s that they’re being caught doing it.

Studies—and by studies, I mean facts—show that people slow down when they know they’re being watched. It’s the same reason everyone suddenly obeys the speed limit when there’s a cop on the shoulder. But our friend, someone some of you elected, believes we should protect Georgia’s most vulnerable citizens: not children, but reckless drivers.

Now, I realize this nice lawmaker is probably trying to represent his constituents who call complaining about “them cameras at that thar school over yonder.” However, he also represents children who aren’t picking up the phone making an ass of themselves to elected officials. Integrity means being a voice to the voiceless.

Exhibit C: Corrections Officers Who Need Correction

We’ve done several articles lately about crooked corrections officers. It appears our state’s prison system is filled with corrections officers who appear to have misunderstood the assignment. Their job is to prevent crime, but lately, they’ve been getting arrested for smuggling contraband into prisons like they’re running a concierge service for inmates.

Want a cell phone? No problem. Some recreational drugs? Sure thing. A weapon? Coming right up. At this point, the only difference between the guards and the inmates is who gets to clock out at the end of the day. I wasn’t aware we were hiring corrections officers from a casting call for Orange is The New Black, but here we are.

The truth is, integrity has become a vintage concept, like rotary phones or saying “please” to customer service representatives. These days, people will lie, cheat, and steal for the most trivial reasons. And worse, they’ll justify it.

At the end of the day, here’s what I know: integrity still matters. It matters when no one is watching. It matters when everyone is watching. And it definitely matters when your kids are watching— because believe me, they are.

So, you have a choice. You can be the person who makes the world better, even if it’s just by refusing to lie, steal, or drive through a school zone like you’re in the Daytona 500. Or you can be the person who ends up as Exhibit D in my next column.

Choose wisely. The Internet is forever.