I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions. I also don’t believe in low-fat ice cream, honest politicians, or the idea that my tires are really low on air when my car keeps insisting they are. Yet every year, sometime between when the clock strikes midnight and I’m halfway through my ham and black-eyed peas, my wife insists that we need resolutions.
She loves resolutions. She says they give us purpose, structure, and direction. I counter that they give us guilt, anxiety, and the sense of failure we were so looking forward to leaving behind with last year’s taxes. But marriage is about compromise—or so I’ve been told repeatedly—so this year, I’ve resolved to make some resolutions.
I resolve not to mansplain. For those of you who have been living under a rock, mansplaining is when a man explains something to a woman in a condescending tone, usually about a topic she already knows more about. It’s annoying, insulting, and, according to my favorite former co-worker, something I do with Olympic-level precision.
So, starting this year, no more mansplaining. Instead, I’ll simply offer detailed clarifications with helpful diagrams, because nothing says respect like a well-drawn pie chart.
I resolve to be nicer. Apparently, I have a tendency to express my opinions in a way that others might find… abrasive. I disagree entirely, but in the spirit of growth, I’ll try to soften my edges. So the next time someone uses the phrase “fake news,” I will resist the urge to question their literacy and simply nod understandingly— before suggesting they take off their tinfoil hat and try reading something other than bumper stickers and social media posts from their cave-dwelling friends.
I resolve to tolerate fools better. Let’s face it, the world is teeming with people whose decision-making abilities range somewhere between ‘questionable’ and ‘please stop reproducing.’ But this year, instead of sighing dramatically and muttering under my breath, I’ll take a deep breath and smile—unless, of course, someone starts explaining how gravity is just a government conspiracy to keep us from jumping too high and hitting the dome.
I resolve to exercise more. And by ‘more,’ I mean I’ll take the stairs at least once this year and maybe park farther away at the grocery store—provided it’s not raining, snowing, or a day ending in “y.”
I resolve to stop procrastinating. Of course, I was supposed to write this column yesterday, so maybe we can take this resolution out for a spin next year.
I resolve to put my phone down. My wife says I spend too much time on my phone and not enough time being present. I explained that I was researching vital information, like whether a hot dog is technically a sandwich (it is). She said that’s mansplaining, and we were suddenly back to the first resolution.
I resolve to eat healthier. This means fewer fried foods, less sugar, and more vegetables. It also means keeping an open mind about hot wings, which, when you think about it, combine lean protein and essential spices, making them practically a health supplement—especially when paired with celery sticks, which I’ve decided now count as salad. Oh, I don’t intend to actually eat the celery, but it looks nice on my plate.
I resolve to be less stubborn. I’ve been working on this one for a while. Honestly, I’m flexible—just as soon as everyone else admits they’re wrong first. That seems fair.
I resolve to be less sarcastic. No more sharp remarks, biting comments, or dry humor—unless, of course, someone hands me a kale smoothie and calls it a meal, in which case all bets are off.
I resolve not to read the comments. That’s a slippery slope that starts with curiosity, spirals into righteous indignation, and ends with me drafting a 2,000-word response complete with citations, a bibliography, and footnotes—none of which anyone will actually read.
So, there you have it, my New Year’s resolutions. On second-thought, maybe I’ll just resolve to sit in my chair and be quiet.
B.T. Clark
B.T. Clark is an award-winning journalist and the Publisher of The Georgia Sun. He has 25 years of experience in journalism and served as Managing Editor of Neighbor Newspapers in metro Atlanta for 15 years and Digital Director at Times-Journal Inc. for 8 years. His work has appeared in several newspapers throughout the state including Neighbor Newspapers, The Cherokee Tribune and The Marietta Daily Journal. He is a Georgia native and a fifth-generation Georgian.
