A few weeks ago, I wrote a column about our family’s struggles with infertility. I shared that we had a baby girl on the way though a surrogate. Our journey with our sweet baby Eliza ended tragically this week. Eliza was stillborn on Monday. Below is my letter to the daugther I will never know.
Eliza,
I cannot begin to tell you how much I would have liked to know you. Words cannot express how much I wanted to have a little girl.
I loved you long before you were created. I’ll love you long after you’re gone. I never knew you — but I had so many hopes and dreams for you. I never got to hear you laugh, or see you smile, or tell you a story.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was supposed to rock you to sleep, hold your hand, comfort you, give you wisdom, laugh with you, and show you all the things that matter in this world.
I was supposed to watch you grow, delight in your accomplishments, tell you how proud I was, watch you graduate, walk you down the aisle, and go before you in death.
I was supposed to dance with you, protect you, and tease you in front of your boyfriends. I was looking forward to getting to know you, hearing your voice, and even being on the receiving end of your inevitable eyerolls.
I don’t know what you would have become or what your dreams would have been, but I would have supported you in each and every one. You would have made me so proud and so happy — just by being you.
I don’t understand why this happened. I will never know why the Hand of Providence has dealt this blow. But I believe that somewhere — over the raibow, across the universe, beyond time and space — we will meet again.
I waited half my life for you — and you were so close. Just a few short months away. I know this isn’t goodbye. I just have to wait longer to finally be with you. Until then, know that your Mama and I will always love you, and though we cannot hold your hand, we will always hold you in our hearts.
All my love,
Daddy
B.T. Clark
B.T. Clark is an award-winning journalist and the Publisher of The Georgia Sun. He has 25 years of experience in journalism and served as Managing Editor of Neighbor Newspapers in metro Atlanta for 15 years and Digital Director at Times-Journal Inc. for 8 years. His work has appeared in several newspapers throughout the state including Neighbor Newspapers, The Cherokee Tribune and The Marietta Daily Journal. He is a Georgia native and a fifth-generation Georgian.
