Guns, Gloveboxes, and The Death of Common Sense

And now, my dear readers, I present to you the first in a series of columns nobody asked for. This year, while our luminaries in the legislature are creating chaos under the guise of new laws, I will be watching and giving you a weekly update on their shenanigans.

Before we dive in, let me assure you: my regular column isn’t going anywhere. I’ll still be writing about family, things that irk me, and Southern culture, and character every week. I’m just pulling double duty, because watching the Georgia legislature in action is like watching a reality TV show where nobody gets voted off the island, they just keep making increasingly baffling decisions while we all sit here wondering who gave them the remote.

So welcome to “From The Cheap Seats Under The Gold Dome,” where I’ll be chronicling the legislative session with all the reverence it deserves—which is to say, approximately the same amount of reverence I give to gas station sushi.

Priorities, Priorities

You know what Georgia really needed this week? According to our state senate, it was making absolutely certain that nobody—and I mean nobody—can tell gun owners to lock their firearms in their cars.

That’s right, folks. The very first bill our esteemed senators passed this session was aimed squarely at Savannah’s local ordinance that had the audacity to suggest people secure their guns in gloveboxes, trunks, or consoles and—brace yourselves—lock their car doors.

I know, I know. The tyranny is breathtaking.

Meanwhile, Georgia ranks somewhere between “yikes” and “oh dear God” in pretty much every category that matters. Healthcare? We’re competing with states that still think bloodletting is cutting-edge medicine. Education? We’re so far in the back of the class the teacher has to clime a crows nest with a periscope to see us. Affordability? You’ve seen your power bill. But sure, let’s make sure the first order of business is protecting the sacred right to leave your Glock unsecured in your unlocked Honda Civic at the Kroger.

A Brief Intermission for Clarity

Now, before some of you start polishing your AR-15s and planning a hunting expedition for a “libruhl colmnerist,” let me be crystal clear: I am not anti-gun. I don’t want to take your guns away. As a journalist, I’m a fierce believer in the First Amendment, and I’m smart enough to know that if someone can strip away the Second Amendment, there’s nothing stopping them from coming after the First.

But —and stay with me here because this is apparently a radical concept—I believe we can protect the Second Amendment and protect second graders from gun violence at the same time. We put men on the moon, cured polio, and invented the drive-thru at fast food restaurants. I believe firmly that my fellow countrymen can find a way to balance the right to bear arms with common sense ways to not use those guns to kill so many innocent people every year.

The Irony Is Not Lost (But Apparently Common Sense Is)

Let’s talk about what our senate actually accomplished here. They looked at a local law designed to prevent gun theft and said, “You know what? That’s too much responsibility to ask of gun owners.”

Think about that for a second. Savannah said, “Hey, maybe don’t leave your firearms lying around where criminals can easily steal them,” and the state senate responded with, “How dare you, Sir! Do you dare suggest people be responsible with deadly weapons? My grandpappy would challenge you to a duel out back behind the general store!”

While we’re on the subject, why is locking doors a bridge too far? I have locked all my doors in my car and my house since I was knee high to a piss-ant. It’s common sense to me. It’s my property and I don’t want anyone getting into it. Why some people want to act like they’re in Mayberry and not be burdened with locking their doors I will never understand.

Anyway, back to the Gold Dome or Big Top, whichever one you think fits. The irony here is thicker than the humidity in August. The same folks who constantly preach about “responsible gun ownership” just made it illegal for cities to require… responsible gun ownership. It’s like a fire safety instructor banning smoke detectors because they beep nonstop when the battery gets low.

So congratulations, Georgia Senate. You’ve officially made it easier for criminals to get guns. I’m sure that’ll work out great. Nothing says “tough on crime” quite like creating a buffet line for gun thieves at every parking lot in the state.

What Responsible Gun Ownership Actually Looks Like

The left and the right will debate the “well-regulated” part of the second amendment — and they can. But the reality is, whether you believe guns should be regulated, nobody should have a problem with asking gun owners to act responsibly with their guns. Responsible gun ownership is supposed to mean something. It means training. It means storage. It means not leaving your firearm in an unlocked vehicle like it’s a half-eaten bag of pork rinds you forgot about.

Responsible gun owners—the actual ones, not the ones our legislature is apparently trying to protect from the burden of locking their car doors—already do this stuff. They secure their weapons. They take precautions. They make sure their guns aren’t where children can access them. They understand that with great power comes great responsibility, and also maybe a decent gun safe.

But apparently, asking people to lock their car doors when they have a firearm inside is too much trouble. It’s government overreach. It’s an infringement on liberty. It’s… actually, it’s just common sense, but we can’t have that cluttering up our legislative priorities.

The Bottom Line

Here’s what gets me: Georgia is already one of the most gun-friendly states in the nation. We have constitutional carry. We have Stand Your Ground laws. You can practically open-carry a bazooka to Sunday brunch, and nobody bats an eye. There has been exactly zero movement—none, nada, zilch—to change any of that.

So this bill? It’s a solution in search of a problem. It’s legislative theater performed by people who apparently have nothing better to do than strike down local ordinances that were actually trying to prevent crime.

This bill was introduced by Colton Moore last year and was passed this year on his last day in the legislature before he moves on to run for Marjorie Taylor Greene’s seat. He’s pandering to Northwest Georgia voters — and he’ll get them. At least, if recent electoral history has anything to say about it. It’s the legislative equivalent of a mic drop, except instead of dropping a microphone, he’s dropping the long-held Republican principle of “local-control.”

You remember local-control, right? It brought us the cities of Sandy Springs, followed by Johns Creek, followed by Milton, followed by Chattahoochee Hills, followed by Dunwoody, followed by Peachtree Corners, followed by Brookhaven, followed by Tucker, followed by Stonecrest, followed by South Fulton, followed by Mableton. Our Republican-controlled legislature has spent the last 20 years going on and on about local control. But, let a city suggest that gun-owners lock their cars if they leave a gun in it — something this city’s leaders feel would keep their citizens safe — and state government must come in and quash that local control.

But hey, at least our senators have their priorities straight. Sure, Georgians are struggling with healthcare costs, education funding, and power bills that require a second mortgage, but at least we’ve protected the fundamental right to leave firearms unsecured in vehicles for any criminal, curious child, or aggressive rottweiler to find.

Maybe next session they can tackle the real issues facing our state. You know, important stuff. Like making it illegal for cities to require people to wear pants in public. Speaking of pants, did you know principles are like pants? Our lawmakers ought to have some. I wrote a book on this subject that you can buy right here.

Until then, I’ll be here in the cheap seats, watching the show and wondering if anyone up there under that gold dome is aware that the tide is rising on healthcare and drowning its residents.